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Fan for the Gavarni Ball (1903) // Jean Louis Forain French, 1852-1931 Recently I’ve noticed I am turned on (and everything that follows that) with the thought of receiving anal. People have sometimes quietly thought of me as homosexual as I’ve never had a girlfriend and now I’m really not sure about myself? When someone is homosexual (gay or lesbian), that usually means they are only or mostly attracted to people of the same or similar sex or gender as theirs. When someone is bisexual or pansexual, that usually means someone find they can be attracted to people of either the same or similar sex or gender or of a different one. Some people have the idea that for someone to engage in any kind of receptive sex - in other words, where they’re the "catcher" and not the "pitcher" - means that person must not be a man, because that’s only something for women or people who some folks consider "not real men." And for some people whose definition masculine also means only heterosexual, gay or bisexual men fall into that classification of "not man." Often as part and parcel of that, or separate from it, some people think that being a person with a sticking-in body part taking in another person’s sticking-out body part means being subordinate: in other words, think means a receptive partner is automatically underneath or on the bottom of a power dynamic where the other person is in charge or on top.



On top of that, if people feel like any orientation is a wrong answer, if one possible truth feels very scary or unacceptable, rather than, again, just not something we feel into, it can be way tougher to get to that truth. If you feel like you’re a straight guy and find that when you do fall in love with or kiss a girl that makes you feel more confident in that, that’s okay. You’re right: a lot of porn is not realistic in a whole lot of ways. Unless that changes for you, or you find that while you can be attracted to girls, but are usually, if not almost always, attracted to men, homosexuality, as it’s usually defined, is probably not where you’re at. There are gay or bisexual men who love or like anal sex, it’s true. This includes nudity, explicit sex, implied sex, or sexually persuasive positions. And for all of these groups, all of that goes for being on either end of anal sex, as it were, and for people with partners of any or every gender.



And when we’re talking about guys and butts, for some people, their idea of being a "real man" means always being on top or in charge in interpersonal situations, including sex, therefore, to them, a guy being a receptive sex partner means he isn’t masculine. Talking about rear-end recreation is becoming less taboo, however. That doesn’t really tell us anything about orientation because feeling sexual or romantic attraction to someone or a group of people doesn’t mean we’ll feel comfortable with them. If you want to try and get a better sense of what your orientation is, rather than focusing on what parts of your body you might want to explore sexually or what groups of people you don’t feel comfortable around, what you want to look at is what groups of people, on individuals, you tend to feel sexual or romantic attraction to; what groups of people or individuals you’d want to pursue those kinds of relationships with, ideally, or already have.



The Practice of Investment It seems to me like in trying to sort this out, the outstanding question is what, if any, sexual or romantic attraction you have to guys. If it helps, know that aversion - feeling really turned off, repulsed or uncomfortable by someone or buy cialis 20mg online a group of people, rather than just being disinterested - often isn’t part of orientation: again, orientation is about attraction. Not only is all of that something many of us disagree with when it comes to plain old logic (and something many of us find offensive to pretty much everyone), it’s something almost all of us who work in sexuality disagree with simply because we know that who is and who isn’t the receptive partner in sex isn’t about gender, and what gender or sex someone is doesn’t determine what they’ll be curious about, want or like sexually, nor what position, if any, they are in any kind of power hierarchy. Human sexuality is incredibly diverse, and all someone liking a given kind of sex can usually tell us by itself is that someone likes that kind of sex. That same guy might also feel that way about kissing and who he kisses, but if he told people he was interested in kissing - just kissing, not kissing any given gender of people - you wouldn’t hear anyone suggesting that probably means he’s gay, right?

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